Two boys are playing football on a park in London. Suddenly a dog appears and sinks its teeth into the younger boy's chest. The elder picks up stick and drives it through the dog's heart, killing it.
A reporter observes all of this and asks the boy if he can write a story on it. He takes out a notebook and puts down the title
"ARSENAL FAN SAVES FRIEND'S LIFE"
The boy says "I don't support Arsenal". so the reporter puts down
"CHELSEA FAN SAVES FRIEND'S LIFE"
The boy says "I don't support Chelsea",so the reporter asks "Who do you support?", and the boy replies "Man U". So, the reporter writes down
"GLORY HUNTING IDIOT KILLS FAMILY PET"

Ronaldo, Rioscum and Ferguson are all trapped on the roof of a burning building.
The Fire Brigade duly arrive and hold out the big blanket for the guys to jump onto. They are understandably all a bit nervous but, being a brave lad and the club captain, Rioscum goes first. At the last second, the firemen whip the blanket away and Rioscum splats on the pavement, dead.
Still giggling, the firemen shout to Ferguson to go next. He jumps, they move the blanket, he makes a pancake on the pavemant, high fives all around from the firemen.
Last to go is Ronaldo. But he's not having any of it....
"You'll move the blanket" he shouts.
"No we won't" they reply.
"It's no good, I don't trust you. You'll move the blanket again" shouts the greasy daygo.
"Come on, jump you fool" they shout.
"Well, alright" he replies.
"But I'm not jumping until you put the blanket down and move at least ten yards away from it..."

Ferdinand walk's into a fish and chip shop and orders a large chips and a fish. The lady at the counter say's it won't be long, So Rio say's it better be fat then

One day a Jew, a Hindu, and a Man United fan all arrived at their hotel to find that there had been a mix-up with the bookings, and that there was only one room left for them to share. The manager explained that this room only had two beds, but that there was a barn at a neighbouring farm which the farmer, an old friend of his, would let one of them sleep in free of charge. They complained a bit, but since there was nowhere else to go, the Jew graciously said he'd sleep in the barn. The Hindu and the United fan were just settling down to sleep in their room, when there was a knock on the
door. It was the Jew. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a pig in that barn and because I'm Jewish I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."

"No problem," said the Hindu. "I'll sleep out there instead." So off he went to the barn, leaving the United fan and the Jew to share the room. They were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the Hindu. "I'm sorry," he said, "but there's a cow in that barn and because
I'm a Hindu I feel uncomfortable about sharing the barn with it."

The United fan grudgingly agreed to give up his bed and stomped off to the barn, leaving the Jew and the Hindu to share the room. The Jew and the Hindu were just settling down to sleep, when there was a knock on the door. It was the cow and the pig.

Q. How many Man. United fans does it take to pave a driveway?
A. Depends how thin you slice them!

Q. What's red and white and funny?
A. A bus load of Man. United fans going over a cliff!

Q. Did you hear about the Man. United fan who studied 2 weeks for his urine test?

Q. What do you call a Man. United fan with half a brain?
A. Gifted.

Q. What do you call 100 Man. United fans at the bottom of a cliff?
A. A good start!

Q. What's the difference between a Pyromaniac and MUFC?
A. A Pyromaniac wouldn't throw away all his matches!

Q. What do you call a pregnant Man. United fan?
A. A dope carrier!

Manchester United wer playing St. Mary's School For The Infirmed, a charity match played in London last week.
United played an in a unusually rough manner, considering the infirmed side fielded two defenders in wheelchairs, a striker that used a guide dog and the goalie using a zimmer frame.
Finally, the St. Mary's manager, with great anger and frustration, pulled his team off the pitch with thirty minutes left in the half.
It then took Manchester United twenty minutes to score a disputed goal and win the match 1 - 0.